When Does Gaming Become an Addiction? Signs, Causes, and How it Affects Relationships
“Healing begins when we understand the need beneath the behaviour.”
The gaming industry has doubled over the last ten years, and it is predicted that more than half of the Canadian population will engage in gaming by 2026. For many, gaming has become a legitimate social and relaxation space, not just a hobby tucked away in basements. It’s a way to blow off steam after work, dive into another world, or keep up with friends when everyone’s too tired (or broke) to go out. But with this incredible growth comes a question we are still struggling to answer: when does passion become a problem?
Both the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual and the World Health Organization’s global manual for diagnosing health conditions have recognized gaming addiction as a potential disorder requiring further study. Clinicians are left caught in the debate of deciding what exactly disordered gaming is, what it should be classified as, and how to properly treat it, and this uncertainty can make it hard for families and individuals struggling with disordered gaming behaviours.
When the language we use is unclear, it’s easy for stigma and confusion to cloud our perspectives. Those struggling might second-guess themselves or suffer in silence because they’re not sure their problem “qualifies”, and families feel unsure of how or when to approach the conversation when the behaviour begins to interfere with daily life, relationships, and responsibilities. This article will aim to clarify why and how gaming addiction happens, and when it might be appropriate to look into seeking outside help.
Contents:
1. What Counts as Gaming Addiction (vs. Hobby?)
2. Why Does Gaming Addiction Happen?
What Counts as Gaming Addiction (vs. Hobby?)
What separates healthy gaming from problematic or disordered gaming isn’t just the amount of time spent playing - in fact, research has shown that there is very little to no correlation between time spent playing games and well-being. Disordered gaming is more meaningfully signaled by the function of the gaming behaviour and degree of control a person has over it.
The Function of Gaming
Every behaviour has a function - a purpose it serves in meeting psychological or emotional needs. When gaming is serving a healthy function, it’s usually about enjoyment, relaxation, connecting with friends, or challenging ourselves. In those cases, gaming is adding to life, rather than taking away from it.
When gaming is mainly used to escape, to numb distress, or to avoid feelings that are too painful to face, it becomes something that may signal a deeper unmet need. In these cases, gaming becomes a maladaptive coping mechanism which may work temporarily, but in the long term can prevent emotional growth, deepen isolation, and keep old wounds unhealed.
The Role of Control
The second key piece is control: our ability to regulate our gaming choices, i.e. how freely and consciously we can start, stop, and moderate it. Healthy control means that we can stop mid-game when needed. That isn’t to say we aren’t disappointed or even annoyed by it, just as we might feel annoyed by being interrupted in the middle of a great book or movie, but we aren’t overwhelmed by that feeling.
When we struggle with gaming addiction, we may feel compelled to continue gaming despite knowing that it’s harming us. Even when the consequences hurt us, like falling behind at school or work, missing sleep, or losing connection with people we care about, the pull of the game feels stronger than our own intentions. This is where gaming shifts from choice to compulsion.
The Real Difference
Healthy gaming coexists with life. It adds colour, joy, and connection. Problematic gaming, on the other hand, starts to replace life - relationships, responsibilities, and self-care get pushed aside. If stepping away from the game feels intolerable, or it seems that gaming is filling gaps that need attention elsewhere, it may be a sign worth listening to. Not as a reason for shame, but as an invitation to look more deeply at what needs aren’t being met - and how they might be met in ways that truly support our growth and well-being.
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Why Does Gaming Addiction Happen?
As with any addiction or compulsion, it can be a common misconception to frame the solution as a problem of willpower; that it is simply a matter of deciding not to play so much. The problem with this perspective is that addictions, like gaming, tap into parts of our brain that drive our motivation, learning, happiness, and impulse control, while also offering a powerful way to meet unmet psychological needs. Combine this with external social/cultural factors, and we have a perfect storm of biological, psychological, and environmental elements that we have to try and combat.
Reward system and dopamine
Dopamine is described as the brain’s “pleasure chemical” because of its involvement in our pleasure and reward system. It helps us register when something is better or worse than expected, and tags certain cues as important and worth paying attention to or worth wanting. And we are hardwired to seek out these rewarding experiences to trigger more dopamine release. Intrinsically, we are motivated to seek out pleasurable, rewarding experiences, and when we learn that something delivers that experience, we will want to repeat the actions and behaviours that lead to that feeling again and again.
Similar to the way gambling hooks us in with bright flashing colors and chance rewards, games have mastered the art of exploiting our dopamine reward system as well. Think of all those variable rewards - sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t, sometimes the win is bigger and better than expected. Near-misses, streaks, achievements, and little jolts of social approval from teammates or leaderboards. These features all play into dopamine-driven learning loops, reinforcing both the behaviour and the cues leading up to them.
But why does this compel some people so strongly compared to others? One way to look at it is that gaming is kind of like fast food for your dopamine system. It’s low effort with high stimulation, predictably rewarding, gives immediate feedback, has clear goals and rewards, and can be done at pretty much any time. As your brain learns to associate gaming with these easy, fast, and consistent dopamine boosts, then it will gravitate toward that behaviour, not because it’s necessarily better than the alternatives, but because it’s more neurologically efficient. For most players these loops add to the fun and make the experience more engaging, but for those who are vulnerable, it is easy to see how this dopamine loop may become addictive.
Coping and unmet needs
According to self-determination theory, all humans share three basic psychological needs: competence, autonomy, and relatedness. Gaming can supply these needs in abundance. We feel competence when we finally master a challenge, we find autonomy when we make choices in an open world, and we gain relatedness by playing with friends or even by engaging with the story and in-game characters.
If someone feels powerless offline but powerful in a game, or if they feel isolated in real life but connected when they’re online, it can start to feel like gaming is the only safe and reliable place to get these needs met. Just as with that dopamine rush (which is intrinsically connected to this as a motivational theory), our brain learns that this is an efficient, low-risk way to get our needs met.
Gaming Addiction’s Impact on Relationships
A core piece of gaming addiction is the time sink. It can be so immersive that the hours feel like they just slip away, and we are often deeply focused and invested in the game that any distractions feel grating. Many wear headphones, making us even more inaccessible to those outside. Even when not in-game, more time is taken by sapping us of energy when we’ve stayed up too late, or stealing our attention while we count down the minutes until we can start playing again.
With that time sink comes the difficulty in keeping up with other responsibilities, whether that might be homework, chores, work, or childcare. As such, it’s not unusual for gaming to become a point of conflict and tension in both familial and romantic relationships. Loved ones might feel neglected, confused, and frustrated, leading to conflict and tension surrounding the time spent gaming and the responsibilities they may be taking over for. There may also be financial strain due to microtransactions, subscription costs, or filling the game library with more and more titles.
All of this can build up feelings of shame and guilt, which then can lead to secrecy and deception by trying to hide playtime or spending, eroding trust and damaging the relationship further. Unfortunately, this is how the cycle often compounds itself. The more someone turns to gaming to cope, the more other parts of life begin unravelling, and the cycle continues.
This is how addiction sustains itself. Not through a lack of love, but through a desperate attempt to avoid the pain of feeling inadequate, of conflict, and of fear. The tragedy of this is that the tool being used to soothe often ends up deepening the wound.
Steps Toward Change
What we are really trying to do when we choose a harmful addiction, consciously or not, is escape, cope, and soothe something beneath the surface. If you are struggling with gaming addiction, know that you are not broken, lazy, or selfish. Gaming may be your way of coping, managing pain, or searching for control in a world that feels overwhelming - but you deserve more than just escaping. You deserve connection, understanding, and support.
For loved ones, it can feel like you’re competing with the game for attention, but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean you don’t matter or that you aren’t enough - stopping the behaviour with an addiction is not a matter of choice or preferring one over the other. However, all of this is not to say that we should tolerate harm, nor is addiction an excuse for neglecting us and our needs. Feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, and exhaustion are valid. But it can be helpful to understand the why behind the behaviour, so we can better approach communicating about these behaviours more constructively, with empathy and compassion.
Making changes to these behaviours is not about “fixing” ourselves or our loved ones. It’s about building a life that feels fuller, more balanced, and more connected. Gaming doesn’t necessarily have to disappear to make that happen - it may still have a place as a source of fun, creativity, and connection. But when it stops being the only safe place to turn, we begin to reclaim freedom and choice.
FAQ’s about Gaming Addiction
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How gaming addiction is treated is based on a multitude of factors. As we’ve established, gaming addiction is deeply psychological, but there are also biological and environmental factors at play here. For example, people with ADHD are more at risk to develop gaming addiction due to ADHD being correlated with lower dopamine levels, as well as the tendency to hyperfocus and difficulty regulating executive function. As such, treatment may not be as simple as only going to therapy.
However, the most recommended and reliable form of treatment is psychotherapy in some form or another. This may be individual therapy, group therapy, or family and marriage counselling.
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Yes, it is possible to experience gaming addiction even without playing every day. As we noted in this article, gaming addiction has a very low correlation to time spent actually playing games. It is more to do with whether there is compulsive behaviour involved and whether it has taken on a maladaptive role in our lives (i.e. interfering with work, school, relationships, self-care, etc).
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If you’re reading this, that probably means you’ve been researching the topic - and that is a great first step. With concerns like these, it is best to start with curiosity instead of accusations.
If you are seeing patterns of behaviour from your loved one that concern you, they are worth bringing up regardless of whether it qualifies as an addiction. Maybe your loved one does not have an addiction, but are spending many hours of the day gaming rather than connecting with you. This is something that calls for a conversation about needs, expectations, and the emotional impact this is having on the relationship.
If you’re worried and unsure of what to do next, here are a few steps you can take:
Observe the patterns and identify what specifically feels concerning.
Open a conversation rooted in what you’ve noticed and what you’re needing.
Explore both of your needs and expectations.
Set boundaries that support the relationship and each other’s needs.
Seek professional support if functioning is being impacted and/or they feel unable to cut back.
Nat Roman | Founder & Clinical Director of Couple Therapy Toronto, MSc RP RMFT
Nat has a long background in meditation, Buddhist psychology and Nonviolent Communication (NVC) practices. He has taught and mentored others within the context of traditional Buddhist retreats, workshops on mindfulness and compassionate communication practices, and individual, couple and family therapy sessions.
In an earlier stage of life Nat worked as musician and strongly believes that creativity is an essential part of life, whether one is engaged in a formal creative discipline, problem solving, or attempting to get kids off to school in the morning.
Emily Taylor holds a BBA with a concentration in Marketing Psychology and Communications, alongside a minor in Global Studies focusing on religion, intersectionality, and sociology. She has also pursued studies in Behavioural Science, where she studied Applied Behavioural Analysis (ABA) and psychology. Her unique background grounds her work in a nuanced understanding of human motivation, emotion, and social context. With a deep appreciation for the courage it takes to seek support, Emily writes from a place of curiosity, empathy, and respect for the full spectrum of the human experience, and strongly believes in the power of therapy to facilitate healing and growth.